With the arrival of a child, the mutual relationships have to find a balance again. With these questions to ask before having a baby you get to know each other better and you know what to expect from the other person as a parent.
Every family has its own customs, traditions and unwritten rules. You take those family rules into your relationship, and they are often magnified when you start forming a family of your own. Especially when the habits between you and your partner are quite different. This is why questions to ask before having a baby is a good idea.
Sometimes it’s about simple things. But the messages you received as a child also play a role on a deeper level: parenting messages. Some of them are easy to recall because they were literally told to you (“Finish what you start”), others may be more unconscious. But your child will certainly have to deal with it. And your partner too.
In fact, every relationship is ‘multicultural’. Two family backgrounds play a role, and in the upbringing you see, as it were, your own history and that of your partner. That can be difficult if your ideas clash, but you can also see it as an invitation to look in the mirror: how am I doing it, and why am I doing it the way I am?
By asking each other these questions, you get to know the parenting messages and family rules of the other person, so that you can make a good mix of these together.
12 questions to ask before having a baby
How much do you want to know in advance? Think of gender, health, etc. And what if the child turns out not to be healthy?
With this opening question you immediately get to the heart of the matter. Because the very things that seem so obvious to you can be a big ‘maybe’ for your loved one. Pregnancy brings a lot of tension and uncertainty. The knowledge that you are on the same page offers guidance at good and less good moments.
Do you want religion and/or spirituality to play a role in your child’s life? And what role?
Are you walking the same spiritual path? If you think differently about religion and spirituality, the following recipe applies: try to find the middle way. Because the mix of both of your backgrounds is perhaps the best thing you can give your children.
Who does what in the day-to-day upbringing, and especially how?
More than in previous generations, we as women and men share each other’s living environment. Now as partners you share not only the obstacles and successes you encounter at work, but also the things you experience at home. It is useful to communicate about this before you become pregnant. Who will do what? And how are you going to handle this?
Where do you want to raise your child, in the city or in the countryside?
A dream for the future can be greatly influenced by the arrival of a little one. Do you prefer to see yourself strolling across the Veluwe or do you feel more at home in a city?
What do you think about nutrition? Do you prefer to prepare a menu that is as organic as possible, or do you want to raise your children vegetarian?
It is important to discuss your wishes and family rituals around food. The dining table is a place where the family gathers. For example, do you continue to sit and chat extensively after dinner, or do you tend to jump off your chair, do the dishes and make coffee – or quickly go to work?
Suppose your child misbehaves
You want to give your child the space to make mistakes, but you also want to teach them norms and values. When you discuss your thoughts on punishment and reward long before the first reprimand, you as parents are putting up a strong front. Every child needs boundaries – and ideally, boundaries that are equally impassively guarded by both parents.
Do you think you’re ready for parenthood?
As parents, you usually get the beginning as a gift, just as love relationships between adults often start with a crush. Then the investment starts. So try to take off the rose-colored glasses. Are you ready for all the challenges of parenthood, and how can you help each other get ready?
What would it be like if our child “comes out” (because he or she is bisexual, homosexual or transgender, for example)?
Discuss your ideas about gender and sexuality so that you can give your child a safe base – where they can become who they are in essence.
How do you think you can give your child a strong self-image?
Children are not born with self-esteem. It must be built up during life and anchored deep within. How can you as a parent contribute to this?
How do you keep your relationship strong?
With the arrival of a child, the mutual relationships have to find a balance again. In the relationship between you and your partner, a third, small person has joined. As parents, how do you create a space in which your child can develop, a nice and safe place where it can be itself without forgetting each other?
Are there things you lacked in your youth? Do you think this affects your parenting?
You can only pass on to your child what you carry within you. You may have discussed each other’s childhoods before, but from the perspective of future parents, a dive into the past can bring new insights. It helps you to identify conflicts and blockages in time, with yourself and your partner.
How are we going to finance our child’s education?
Most women today work outside the home, and men have generally become more active indoors. When you or your partner are thinking about stopping working or cutting back, it is important to discuss the division (and the consequences of this).
What questions to ask before having a baby should we include? Let us know in the comments!